A little while later.........

So it's been a while almost a month, Christmas is done for everyone now, thank goddess. The decorations and tree went up not long ago. All I've got left to do is plan my yule ritual, not entirely sure what I'll be up to yet. On a completely different note there's a new shop opened near me called spell casters, yep an honest to goddess witchy shop i was so excited when i went in yesterday, they've got candles, dowsing pendulums, tarots cards, incense, the works. It was lovely, i hope they do a brisk trade and stay open it would be a real shame to see them close. Ok things to do and more things to do, hopefully I'll do another entry before yule!

snow glow.......

It snowed in the night here last night,and at about 5am this morning the light from my window woke me, I thought it was later than it was. When I came down stairs I looked in my back garden and there is about 1/2 an inch of snow, the luminosity of which woke me this morning. I didn't mind getting up though as i had a little peace before the children woke for the day.

up early again............

For the past couple of days my smallest has been getting me up around the hour of 3am, we've got up this morning at 3.45am and he is burning up, looks like there's a reason he's been getting up so early he's been coming down with something all week. He's lying in front of the fire at the moment feeling sorry for himself, hopefully he'll get better soon as I'm going out with friends Friday night.

My Altar......

.....Is slowly coming together. I've been hand crafting my items one at a time. Those that i have not hand crafted have been salvage from charity shops and other household items. Even if i do say so myself it is looking pretty special. My god and goddess have been molded from polymer clay by me, my book of shadows has hand made paper ethically sourced, the cover is a reused piece of cardboard from packaging that i was recycling, the wand i crafted myself from a piece of hazel deadwood, i cut a spiral in all the way to the handle. I've yet to set the piece of quartz in the top though. The altar cloth is an old piece of black cloth that i have embroidered with gold thread, my witch stones are riverbed stones that i have found on my walks with my children through the country side, painted with acrylics and varnished, they are beautifully smooth! My main expense was my tarot cards, i picked out the druid craft tarot, these are actually my third set now, and my only complaint is that they are overlarge for shuffling. The images though are wonderful, they really speak to me, and are so beautifully detailed. Just when you think you've made a good study of them your perspective shifts and you can see more detail than before, they are a joy to work with.

I did my self a reading with them last night the general question or ask of the reading was for guidance in my spiritual life. I did myself a pentacle spread, it follows;

1. Fire/intuition; 8 wands reversed. A shift of attitude is needed. 8 is the number of successful magical work.

2. Water/feeling: 7 wands reversed: Struggling with other peoples objections. Magic , spirituality and research.

3. Air/Thinking: Queen of cups. A woman who is fully open to the qualities of the goddess.

4. Earth/sensation; Cerrunos (the devil) The dragon of newfre (life force) awakens within you. Take care to integrate and channel this force.

5. Spirit; the magician: creativity, life force, empowerment.

Overall a pretty good reading i feel.

Autism.........Again

My daughter has autism and is kind of mid spectrum, which means she needs more help than is viable in a mainstream school and attends a special school for children with autism. After recent concerns voiced by his school middle T has to go for assessment, how crappy is that? Actually it's more than crappy it just plain sucks!

So............ i really need to stop having the pity party, however as my husband says; if they didn't have these odd character flaws, they wouldn't be our children they'd be someone else, very Zen of him i think.

Nearly there......

The last week in my house has been a nightmare thanks to fireworks, yep while many people enjoy this time of year my dogs decidedly do not! We have had one dog whining consistently and another trashing everything in the house, getting defensive when he's told off, sicking everywhere, it has been an absolute joy. I wonder however if many children today even know about Guy falkes , and his attempt to blow up parliament? My 8 year old certainly doesn't and if people are no longer aware what the holiday is about doesn't that make it defunct? Or perhaps for many, it's just an excuse to burn rubbish, let off fireworks and get obscenely drunk. Lovely just what we need another excuse for people to be idiots like there weren't enough already. The photo is a firework i caught in mid burst from a professional display, which by the way i don't mind, they time their events reasonably (there's no 1am eruptions.), they are done with all the correct safety equipment, and you know weeks in advance to prepare for the discomfort of your animals and/or disruption of your childrens sleep.

Ok i'll get off my soap box now.

Samhain......

I went to a party at my sister-in-laws house, it wasn't an adult party though alas!

The house was full of small and not so small children, which considering that my sister-in-laws youngest is 13 and the youngest child there was 17 months it was quite a collection of kids. Goodness knows why she did it, crazy to have a house full of kids when yours are older, but I am thankful she did. For if she had not it would have been up to me to do the party.

<>, That was a close call.

Blah Blah BLah BLOO.....

so random things today, Husband is off, I'm going shopping later, we're up early again, it is absolutely freezing and I'm currently watching the cramp twins on cartoon network with my two smallest children. My new knitting project is coming along nicely, I'm doing a bolero for my daughter. The back is almost done i started it yesterday.

On a new note: I hate this time of year, people should only be able to buy fireworks if they have a permit, these permits should be priced at 100 pounds a piece, which would pretty much make it that only the big displays would buy them, not every tom, dick and harry off the street. There would be no-one setting off fireworks in there back gardens upsetting the neighbors animals, children couldn't buy them and do injury's to themselves, other people or animals, it would make this whole time of year better and safer for everyone i think. I mean for goddess sake i went into tesco yesterday, they're selling them buy one get one free as if they were frickin' groceries. Tesco aren't the only offenders though our co-op and quite a few others are just as bad.

The first snow...

Yesterday we had our first snow, not just a little mind you, it was coming down in enormous flakes and quite sharply. The only thing that kept it from sticking was because previously it had been raining and the temperature had not dropped enough to turn the wet ground into icy ground.

Snow in October? Hopefully this is not a portent of things to come. Half term is going along quite nicely/ quickly it will soon be time for the children to be back at school, only 4 more days, not that I'm counting.

Henry the hedgehog...........

I am the caretaker of 6 cats, 4 kids, 2 dogs, 1 rabbit, 1 husband, and now 1 hedgehog.
Yep that's right a hedgehog. I'm thinking that with numbers like these it officially makes me the resident estate crazy lady. I'm following in my mothers footsteps she used to keep silky hens in her shed, she was the crazy chicken lady of Newstead. Lol.

My dog found him/her in the garden and tried to eat it, (my dog is not exactly smart), every time he went to pick it up it spiked his tongue, but he wouldn't stop, until i went out to see what all the fuss and yelping were about. I had a hedgehog covered in bloody slobber and a dog with a pierced tongue. The hedgehog was fine, he's currently living in my recycling box eating my cats cat food until we're sure he's ok. We're putting him in the woods at the back of our house tomorrow, he seems no worse for wear for his ordeal. However the dog is mopey and nursing a sore tongue, will he have learnt from this ? Probably not, he's not the sharpest knife in the drawer.

Moon magic

the moon full date was the 14th of October but this morning when i got up it was beautiful, i looked outside and the garden was awash in silver. At first i thought that it had snowed in the night the glow was so ethereal. Seeing as though i didn't really celebrate two days ago, while my children and the rest of the world slept, i sat in my garden amongst the silver moonlight with my big fluffy cat and my two wild dogs, i lit my silver candle rubbed with sage, and i thanked the god and goddess for my blessings. Although sometimes with the hustle and bustle of my daily life i forget and sometimes things get a little stressed, this morning i took stock and realized that i really do have a lot of things to be thankful for. (not least the car going through it's mot first time; my apologies my goddess in future i will have faith!)

things to do............

.............and places to go, it's my hubby's day off today and as per usual these days are crammed with things to do, They tend to build up in the week when I'm alone as my toddler is a terror, at least when the other half of my partnership is at home he can occupy smallest and i can get stuff done.
We have to take the car for it's mot today although it's not due until next week it gives us a week or so to get the work it needs done on it, it would be too optimistic to think it was going to pass straight away no car we have had ever has, I may as well pray for a washing fairy to come in and do my household washing every night while I'm in bed.

Trust me the latter scenario is more likely.

Why?

Why does middle t insist on getting up so early? Right now he's lying in front of the fire ASLEEP. Yep you read it right he's asleep, he got me out of a nice warm bed to come down stairs and go to sleep. Funny little bugger. We are currently watching Quest on cartoon network for those of you sans kiddie crew he's a mercenary who hates everything. So to paraphrase him

mornings?........I hate mornings!

Poorly.....

Middle T and i are ill. Not sure why but whenever I'm ill one or more of the children is ill with me. Is this a blessing or a curse, well it's a blessing because i don't have time to mope when I've got a sick child, their comfort takes precedence over mine, so I just get over it. On the other hand he may be well in the next couple of days but it takes me longer to get well as i can't get the rest i need.

We haven't been for our walk for nearly a week now, hoping that everyone is well for Sunday, and the weather holds as we're heading to Hanchurch woods.

Yet again i'm going insane............

It's that special time of week again, Sunday evening and I've just about reached my tolerance level with my kids. I'm not at all sure how i got through the 6 weeks holiday, i feel that it was very much ''needs must''. However today i don't have to as they're all at school tomorrow tee hee...small things and all that. So I'll hopefully do a better job with the blog tomorrow, when I've got a little head space.

Rain, Rain And Rain again....

We have a pond in our back yard that is absolutely unintended, it is neither wanted nor required, although i suspect the birds that are currently bathing in it are thoroughly enjoying themselves, But me? I'm tired of the rain i really am i can't remember the last day we didn't actually get any. My Tomatoes will soon be rotting on the vine they are big and green and show no signs of ripening. I suppose that is because to do so they require sun.

We went down to Trentham awakes to walk, the first walk we attempted we didn't even get half way in (about 1/8 of a mile) when we turned around and came back. It was a pathed walk; ideal if you are elderly or taking a pushchair with you, but not my cup of tea. We rerouted and went across the other side of the lake and went the rough and tumble way, the kids adored the trees, the mud and the puddles and we all got soaked and dirty it was fabulous.

The picture is a view from possibly one of the nicest view points in Trentham woods.

It's the weekend again....

.......And if i can get at least a little dry weather i have loads i need to do in the garden to winterize it. I was hoping to do a little today but there are 2 inches of water on the ground and more falling. I think perhaps that my tomatoes this year may be a write off, there are plenty of tomatoes on the vine but they're all green.

We're going walking down at Trentham gardens tomorrow i haven't been there since i was a child when we used to go every Sunday with my Dad, Granddad, my cousin Amy, my brother and an assortment of dogs.

Husband filled all of the bird feeders up yesterday and we got our pidgeon back, he's one of a mated pair that live over in the tree line about 50 meters away from our house. Spring time we got their babies here too.

woooo hooooo!!!!!

The kids are back at school, just done all the lunch boxes, going to start getting them up soon. Middle T doesn't start properly until tomorrow but we have to go to an initiation meeting this afternoon. So this time tomorrow all three bigger children will be at school and it'll be just me and smallest at home. We went to Hem heath woods yesterday herb gathering, i found several pieces of wood to make wands, a piece of hazel, a piece of oak and a piece of rowan, now i just have to decide which to use for construction. I got myself some rowan berries around 10 of them, i didn't want to take to many as the birds rely heavily on them at this time of year for their diet. Hoping to germinate a couple of them and plant them. One of the oak trees we found, this ones 'just a baby', it was around 30 feet tall and i could hold my husbands hands around the trunk. It's 'adult' counterpart was around the same height but oh my it would have taken almost 4 arm spans to circle it. The children had great fun we saw big dragonflies around 7 centimeter in length in an electric blue and yellow with geometric patterns on the tail, they were beautiful, i tried really hard to get a photo but couldn't as the kids wouldn't stay still long enough for them to set down and let me get a photo.

AARRGH!

It's currently 4:54 am youngest got me up about 10 mins ago. I suppose i should have expected this as he fell asleep at about 6 tea time yesterday and would not wake up for me. I feel a vicious circle coming on. I've just gone to make myself a cup of tea and the milk has gone off. NOW i feel like crying. We have plans to go down to the woods today to find a branch for my wand for my spell work. The woods we are visiting are prevalent with ash, oak, birch, hazel and rowan trees. I'm hoping to find a rowan and bring some berries home as well to see if i can get some of the seeds to germinate and plant one in our garden. They're a good protection tree and a big draw to birds as well. Hopefully I'll get some nice photo's while I'm out to post here.

Peace and quiet.....

I cooked a Sunday dinner today so husband could go to work on a full stomach. Now I'm down stairs husband is at work, my three eldest are upstairs playing and smallest is on the settee asleep. FINALLY some peace so I'll keep this short and I'm going to go and finish the jumper i am knitting husband, Only the neck band left to do.

5 more days to go.....

First of all I'd like to say i love my children, really, i would do anything for them; but thank the goddess that they go back to school in 5 days. If eldest asks me 1 more inconsequential question; He asked me if the titanic was the biggest boat ever earlier, we were cooking dinner i have no idea where the question came from!! Or Middle T tells me that the others are not being nice to him: he does this when he's not getting his own way, i may scream!! I think the fact that the weather has restricted our movements this holiday is a lot to blame. The all have a severe case of cabin fever or should i say WE all have a severe case of cabin fever.

On a fab note the guy i sent an email to a couple of days ago (Hor) has got back to me about the working coven he wishes to get up and running. It would be a wonderful thing to have the support of a coven in my studies. He mainly runs in the gardenarian/ Alexandrian tradition so we will see, i may have to talk/meet up with him to see if our visions are the same.

As i write this husband is in bed he started work at 3.50am this morning, what a crazy time, so being the lovely and devoted wife i am I'd better go and slave over the stove to feed him. Beans on toast it is then lol.

A new day, A new way......

I have been doing my diary entries the old fashioned way, in a book and kept on my bookshelf, so after much deliberation have decided to do online blogging instead. It was the whole; Do i want people reading this? Then there was the, well who would even care? Am i going to start editing myself to make the blog public safe? H mm I'm not sure. So I'm gonna give this a go and see what it results in.

I am a haphazard diary writer, i do not have the discipline to do a daily entry and often weeks or months will go by with nary an entry and then there will be a rash of them, almost like i am making up for lost time or doing penance.

After looking through this years diary and seeing there are only a few entry's, I'm going to transcribe this years entry's here, and destroy the diary they're written in. I always feel strange re-reading what i have written so here goes....

Jan 1st 2008

Ok so 3 new years resolutions were made, one has already been broken. I vowed to loose weight, cut down on shopping and stop swearing like a sailor. The first 2 are going ok but the last was broken before it began. I think swearing may be my rage release, if it stops me going ballistic with the kids I'm ok with that. Smallest is driving me nuts with his clinging and i can't wait for eldest and middle two to go back to school.
Phoned mum to wish her a happy new year, past that i couldn't think of what to say. It seems that talking to her is really difficult at the moment, and when i do talk to her all we do is talk about is other people. It's almost as if we are two strangers restricted to talking about our common acquaintances. Ok I'm really tired and i can't think of anything else i wish to write about. Happy new year.

Jan 3rd 2008

Three days of dieting and truthfully I'm ready to eat my own arm. I've cleaned the rabbit out, done an assortment of housework today and nothing else of note. Read a book called Heart of stone by C.E Murphy, it was fab, I'll have to keep an eye out for future work by the author.

J called me today there were serious problems with her blood tests, and her liver function is compromised. Hopefully the hospital will sort her out at the appointment tomorrow.

Smallest is getting better on his antibiotics and his cold and ear infection is getting better. I can't wait for them all to go back to school on Monday, although truthfully they have not been as badly behaved as i anticipated.

I'm finding the diary writing difficult, I'm pretty sure this was easier when i was a child, either that or i no longer have a life. Alternatively the wonder has left me and the things i found noteworthy as a child, as an adult are merely mundane. Oh to be a child again, to look forward to a new day in anticipation of all the new and fun things it can offer.

Jan 5th 2008

Husband was at work all day today and the children are little buggers. But smallest did the funniest thing today. He's developing some really funny idiosyncrasies, because he was locked out of the kitchen he charged to door stopped at the last minute and kicked it, i nearly peed. The other one at the moment is that nobody gets a kiss anymore, but he will lick you up the cheek like a cat does.

Jan 6th 2008

Last day of the kids being at home today,they're back at school tomorrow. Had a go at my weekly torture, the Sunday crossword, I've only ever completed 2 in my life. I should have kept them and had them framed. The kids are in the bath so I've managed to sneak 5 mins to come and write this. Joy of Joys today i have found that coffee is a wonderful appetite suppressant.

Jan 21st 2008

Brandon has finally found his school bag that went missing in December, the mold growing in his lunch bag was disgusting.
Middle child T came home from nursery with a tie-die t-shirt, funny because i could have sworn i sent him in a white one. He assures me that he had a wonderful time painting his picture/ shirt.
Husband let me have a nap today smallest was really rough last night tossing and turning and then to top it off got up at 5:10am. Now as a general rule i am a morning person, but 5;10 am is ass crack of dawn, and i am so not an ass crack of dawn person.

Jan 22nd 2008

Well today has been a shitter of a day and as i write this i feel like crying. Smallest was up all night last night with a sickness bug. We thought he was getting over it at dinner so tried to go do the shopping but had to call a halt to the day when middle T felt unwell. So we went to see the parents and father in law fixed something on our car. Went to get eldest and my god daughter from school and smallest was sick everywhere again. Went into the kitchen and the dog was unwell so we had to take him to the vet. Phoned mum and asked her to watch the kids, she had just got put of the bath so sent k across. When father in law got here things were said now i don't think that husband and he are speaking. The vet cost us £30 to be told that dog is over weight and needs neutering it'll cost £220. As i write this i have smallest with me in our bed and husband is relegated to the settee again. Hopefully I'll get some sleep tonight cause i feel like the living dead.

Jan 24th 2008

I feel like shite smallest has had a bug for a couple of days now and to top it all of smallest, Middle T and i all have a cold. Trying to get my brothers tax return sorted tonight and i need more info from him so i couldn't finish. Just tried the parents house to speak to brother and got a frosty reception from father in law; Family can't live with 'em, can't kill em. Lol
I got up this morning at quarter past 3.I'm knackered i was supposed to be attending daughters annual review of he statement of special educational needs but i felt that bad that i have had to reschedule. Husband and i tried to watch a dvd tonight but smallest was being evil so we had to nix the plan.

Feb 1st 2008

It's been over a month since i last wrote, I've managed to loose a stone in weight which is fab, although at the moment we all have a sickness bug. Lovely!!

August 12th 2008

So many moths since last i wrote. J lost her baby today, This makes 3 losses in 5 years. i find it hard to conceive that one minute baby was there with his heart beating and the next he was still there but not. The hospital says it was one of those things, there was nothing wrong with him his heart just stopped beating. Where do human souls go? Surely we are not just anatomy and chemicals firing at random? Isn't a soul what makes us what we are? Each of us is so very different, what of this little boys soul? Is a soul something we grow into or are we gifted with it upon conception?

So many questions, no answers, just death, loss and devastation,and those left behind trying to function. I sit here writing this and i can acutely feel all of the losses in my life. People here and then gone, just poof, soil in the ground, memories left behind.

Today i question my beliefs i have never followed a god, but surely there must be something, something after for all the souls departed. Hope is such a feeble thing and yet it is all i have..... Hope that there is something after.....Hope that there is somewhere, a little boy playing with his two sisters.......Hope that somewhere my grandparents sit together and are happy........Hope that one day i too will go to this something and meet up with those i have lost.

Aug 21st 2008
Is wicca/witchcraft the right path for me? It was something i dabbled in when i was a teenager, and alot of it's philosophies gel with my own, so it would not be a radical change. I need knowledge to know for sure. It feels like it's the right path and when i read things there is a deep sense of "oh yeah" or a de ja vous of i feel like I've done this before. So as the zen master says "we will see..." LOL